2003-06-09 - 5:31 a.m.
Who Is Ravyne? - Updated (6-23-03)

Who Is Ravyne?

1. I've been called an enigma by more people than I care to mention. I do not know if it because I rarely show all sides of myself to mere acquaintances and even at times to friends, or if it is because they do not take the time to get to know the many sides of me.

2. If given the chance, I would never leave my house for anything. I feel comfortable here, safe, secure, wanted and needed.

3. I was asked today if I could have the one job I have always wanted, what would it be? I would definitely want to be an English professor. And unless I could be an online one, I would have to get over #2.

4. I was married when I was 20 and had a very bad relationship with my husband. Seven months later, I moved back home and began a new life, swearing that I would never marry again. I guess *never* came around in 2001 because I met and married my soulmate, lover, and best friend, Matt.

5. When I was a little girl, my sister would pull pranks on me. Once she talked me into eating a mud pie by telling me it was a chocolate pudding pie. Another time she talked me into closing my eyes, while one of my cousins inserted a dandilion (the ones with those tiny white flowerettes that you can blow off easily) into my mouth. Another time, she told me that there was a little man in the fridge that turned the light on and off. I spent hours in front of the fridge opening and shutting the door as quickly as I could to see that little man. I never saw him though. And another time, she told me that there was a little man living inside lightbulbs and every time I turned a light on, I was shocking him. She had me terrified to turn on the light. Yes, I was a very gullible child.

6. The summer of my twelfth birthday, we had some new neighbors move in across the street from us. I had a huge crush on the son, Donny. I spent the entire summer pining away for him and daydreaming about him. He was a year older than me. By Autumn when school started (me in 7th grade, him in 8th), I was over him. That 3-month crush would come back to haunt me on Senior Class Night five years later.

7. The happiest time of my independent, single life was when I lived in Covington Virginia in an efficiency apartment when the only entertainment available to me was an old cassette recorder and my Neil Diamond cassettes. I worked part-time at Rose's Department Store making $3.35 an hour, went to college part-time, and only paid $60 a month for rent. I lived off of peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, mac and cheese, and rootbeer floats. I was 19 years old.

8. From the time I was 10 until I was about 14, I lived in the tiniest bedroom in our house. There was red wallpaper with gold eagles, stars, and stripes on my walls and the floor was hardwood. I pretended that I lived in a room at the White House and would dust, sweep, mop and clean the room every day. It was also the only room in the house where plants would grow and I had a whole dresser-top full of them.

9. When I lived at home, I kept most of my prized possessions stored in boxes and would put sheets and blankets over the boxes so I could set other things on top of them. My mother always said that it looked like I was prepared to move away at a moment's notice. Maybe she was right.

10. The most social I have ever been was when I was in college at Hollins University. I made friends easily, attended readings, art shows, plays, and joined a few clubs. I met Claire there and would stay at her house some during the school week. We would go to the movies, have coffee down on the market, attend poetry slams, or just sit around her house discussing poetry and watching Another World.

11. I was raised Southern Baptist until I was about 14. When I was 16, I joined the Mormon church. I was an active member for about 2 years, but stopped attending altogether shortly after I married my husband. I began studing paganism and eventually embraced Wicca. Although I still adhere to some of my wiccan ways, I have recently been studying Buddhism and Taoism.

12. I had my first bisexual encounter when I was about 23 with a friend from High School. I had been bi-curious up until then. Since then, I have had 4 other encounters. Out of all five, I have only deeply loved two of them: Lucy and Valerie.

13. When I was a child, I loved going to carnivals and amusement parks. For several summers, we would go to Lakeside Amusement Park in Salem Virginia. It closed when I was in my early teens. Every Autumn, my hometown would celebrate Fall's Follage Festival and a small carnival group would come into town. My obsession with carnivals led to me being involved with two carnie men in my mid-twenties.

14. About 10 years ago, I began studying Reiki with my friend/Reiki Master, Claire. Although I do not use it as much now, I can still feel the energy running through me. Sometimes I wish I had went on for the Master's attunements.

15. I tend to dwell too much in the past at times, which is something I have always accused my mother of doing. Funny how the older we get, the more like our mothers we get.

16. Have I mentioned that I am a procrastinator? Well, I am. And I admit it freely. I put things off until the very last possible moment. Why? It isn't because I cannot do whatever the task is. It is more because I think and do better under pressure, even if it drives me insane while I am completing the task.

17. My husband keeps telling me how amazed he is at how much stuff I have for being a single woman for so long prior to marrying him. If only he knew how many times in my life I have accumulated a lot of things only to have to sell or give them away just to make ends-meet. I would really have a lot of "stuff" if I had never sold or given things away so many times. I didn't really have a lot when he and I met. Basic furniture: a love seat and chair, a rocker, two tables in my studio, a bed and chest of drawers, dishes and cookware, a small tv and a stereo, and books galore. But don't other people usually have more than that? Kind of makes me wonder how other single people live. We have much more things now since we have been together and he is always saying we should sell things. I am tired of selling my things. I want to be settled and keep my things. Is that too much to ask?

18. It never ceases to amaze me the perception people have of me. For instance, people are always telling me what a bubbly personality I have and what a great *people person* I am ::laughs:: oh if they only really knew me. When I tell them that I am not a *people person* at all and that I generally detest people in general, they are always shocked, yes, the jaw-dropping-shocked-look. But But But, you are so friendly and so nice to people they always say. Well, yes, I am nice to people because I believe we should always be nice to one another; however, that doesn't discount my disdain for people. I will *always* treat people with decency, charitablity, and kindness, but that doesn't mean I have to like them. I tend to get along better with people the less time I have to spend in their company. That may make me a horrible person, but at least it makes me an honest one.

Well, there is just a taste of Ravyne. I will be adding to this list as things occur to me.

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