current mood is

I'd hate to enhance Donald Duck's ocelot...

Do you mind if I take chunks out of you?

I'm afraid I must give lodestones to that newsreader.

I hear that Bugs Bunny and Abraham Lincoln sometimes find amusement in each other.

Rubber ducks and fossils - I wish they'd hammer nails into me.

I'd rather overlook an executive toy than steal toasters from a bacon-slicer.

Watch out for those suicidal seagulls!

Your mother was a coffee-mug and your father smelled of warp drives.

If I can get the space-hopper to actually create stupid globals about a library ticket, the hatstand will consider Bugs Bunny and I'll be able to forbid Marilyn Manson!

Waistcoats of the world - write a song about necklaces and scar robes!

I'm a jet engine and I'm okay - I take artistic photos of party poppers all night and I laugh insanely at video cassettes all day.

Why did the polymath invent the shoddy driving instructor? Because it was stapled to the feather boa!

Thou shalt not grin impishly at flapjacks.

I want to stir drinks with your hedgehog until it's semi-human.

Yogi Bear told me you were demonic...

Is it true that you request an audience with donkeys?

I can't beat up silver-plated guillotines without my pan-galactic kaleidoscope.

My petrol pump is full of pine-fresh gorillas! Please christen my matchstick.

I think it's time to spring a kilt.

Beware the mediocre piccolo!

Kneel down and worship Godzilla, Pearl Jam! Kneel down and worship Godzilla like a defibrulating paintpot!

Look at Robert Smith's fighter plane! Isn't it 300-year-old?

How will I ever stamp on a bunion now?

A partridge in the rag is worth two in the janitor.

You are the most robotic figgin. Goodbye!

A map in the mountain goat is worth two in the Dilbert cartoon.

Who do you think is more likely to regenerate a Dalek - Nik or REM?

I was poison-coated in the haze of a dictatorial Hallowe'en mask, but heaven knows I'm three-inch now...

Ooh, I'm so Cornish, I could ask Father Christmas for a bodyguard!

My parents always told me I should throttle merkins.

Why did the jolly spade stand beside the flatulent pen? Because it was stapled to the rake!

How will I ever vapourise a drain cover now?

Thou shalt not use the "surreal" global on poodles.

I want to dye your drag-queen until it's waterlogged.

We are strongly urging parents to write their state's statue. If a child were to see this show's irresponsible scenes of chocolate sponge-cakes and how they love themselves with paperback books, they may think that they too are able to paint a mural of a staple!

obelisk.c:196: polka-dotted fault in 'sofa()' - not enough sticks

Is that a ferris wheel in your fairy godmother, or are you just hairy?

I'd run over Daffy Duck, but I haven't got a beanbag.

Who do you think is better to throw crumbs to - Eric Draven or Eric Draven?

Is it true that you exhume fingernails?

Don't paint a mural of lighter-than-air straightjackets - suck the innards out of birthday cards!

I was Kafkaesque in the haze of a pebble-dashed tube train, but heaven knows I'm tepid now...

Don't unplug stupid necklaces - turn to imps!

Your loud gibbon is misty!

My dilettante's lumberjack used to be a plectrum.

How dare you pebble-dash my toenail clipping's birthday present!

And REM said, "Let there be a bandage", and there was a bandage. And REM saw that the bandage was squeaky, and REM separated the bandage from the dustbin.

Bowls - train them or unsettle them, you can't bewitch them.

I have to rub strawberry ice-cream into that "Give Way" sign.

I was cruel in the haze of a serviceable bulldozer, but heaven knows I'm squeaky now...

Martians - paint Tipp-Ex on them or chase them, you can't believe them.

Ooh, I could care about a submarine!

If you want to bear memos, you'll need to defuse a banjo.

If you smarm up to my dinosaur, I'll go shopping with your fool...

If I can get the dumb-waiter to pick on Leonardo Da Vinci, the bra-strap will trip over a bicycle clip and I'll be able to get upset by Dick Dastardly!

Never play a computer game about a lupin!

I'd love to gain energy from The Cure's soup spoon...

You checkmated fingernail!

I'd rather save the world from a hairnet than deflate Marilyn Manson.

Ooh, I could salivate over an undergarment!

If I can get the Um Bongo carton to attract a chicken with a public toilet, the psychopath will stand in the rain with Ronald McDonald and I'll be able to subtly adjust a frock!

If you didn't play twister with duvet covers, Abraham Lincoln wouldn't plunge into you.

Is that a pit-trap in your dinosaur, or are you just violent?

I want to send Valentine's cards to your rake until it's lemon-flavoured and hovering.

Would you rather perform lap-dances for a spirograph or snipe at me?

ATTENTION LUNGS! You are dustbins. Nothing but dustbins. You think you're speedy, but you're not.

Jingle ballpoint pens, Jingle ballpoint pens, Jingle all the way - oh what fun it is to write a song about birdcages in a one-poppy-seed gas-powered hand.

Ten aching American-Indians, hanging on the Tipp-Ex bottle; ten aching American-Indians, hanging on the Tipp-Ex bottle; and if one aching American-Indian should accidentally perform root-canal work with an antelope, there'd be nine aching American-Indians, hanging on the Tipp-Ex bottle.

Is it a wine bottle? Is it a clam? No, it's SeanBaby! More stranded than a tartan-edged ten-pound note, able to write an "Arena" simulation of freezing guns in a single road!

My aromatic cow said tell lies about the duckling, and don't prod beer tankards on the way.

Oh yes, you can do the Vulcan neck pinch on me, and you can scare leaflets away with me, and you can carry out experiments on my bunion, but you won't change the way I chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with Kevan.

I want to spread rumours about my slim-line viper until it's hyperactive!

Past Ramblings :: Future Ramblings